What if we killed off all of our first-born?
What if we cordoned off 50 percent of the world from us; you take that half, we take this half?
What if we offer up a unicorn for sacrifice?
What if we let wolves live?
Yours with hope, and great good will,
Amy Dandelion Maddock
TO: The Climate
DATE: December 21, 2015
SUBJECT: Corrective Action
This memo constitutes a formal corrective action and this document will be placed in your permanent personnel file and could be used to make decisions that affect your employment. This document identifies areas where your performance is inconsistent with what is expected.
- Lack of adherence to quarterly deadlines
- Lack of teamwork to the point of alienating coworkers
- Poor work ethic
- Reckless endangerment of marginal populations
- Inconsistent performance
- Excessive retention of carbon dioxide
- Volatile and stormy outbursts
- Ocean acidification
- Adherence to terms of our Original Contract
- Willingness to take responsibility for your actions
- Willingness to take orders from superiors
The performance issues identified above are not acceptable in this workplace. These behaviors have a negative impact on your coworkers and, ultimately, our community. As a member of our team, you must improve your performance and behavior to bring it into compliance with expectations. I want to be sure that you understand the importance of this matter. Failure to achieve immediate and sustained improvement in the expectation(s) outlined above may result in further corrective action, up to and including termination.
As always, I will be available to assist you in answering any questions or concerns you may have.
Human Resources Department (courtesy of Peggy Estela)
Have you considered moving to another planet?
People of Earth
Downloadable, high-resolution versions of the images in this post can be found at the Dear Climate website. Readers are also invited to address the climate themselves and contribute to the broader project.